The Way I Loved You
by MissSherlock
Summary: Songfic. May write more if wanted! Song: The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift. John's Thoughts Post-Reichenbach


_**A/N Okay I know the gender in the song is wrong but just ignore it, yeah? The song is The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift and I heartily recommend it. I may continue with this using other Taylor Swift songs or possibly some other artists. If you have a request feel free to leave a message. Please, please, please review! Thank you in advance for reading this fic! Enjoy!**_

_**Miss Sherlock**_

_**Disclaimer: I am praying to Santa to bring me the rights to Sherlock but till he does, I don't own. Song belongs to Taylor Swift**_

_He is sensible and so incredible  
>And all my single friends are jealous<br>He says everything I need to hear and it's like  
>I couldn't ask for anything better<br>_

John glanced down at his beautiful fiancée, her head on his chest as she slept, one of her arms wrapped lovingly round his waist. He thought back to his conversation with Greg the night before.

"**How the hell do you do it?" Greg exclaimed wildly. "Every single one of your girlfriends looks like a bloody supermodel and are some of the nicest people on this planet and now you've gone and bagged the nicest of the lot!" John grinned at him, glad to see his friend was talking the engagement well, especially after the latest fiasco with his soon-to-be-ex-wife. "I'm glad you know." Greg's voice lowered to a serious whisper. "I'm glad you've managed to put your life back together. We were all worried about you after Sher-". John stood abruptly cutting off Greg's drunken whispers. "I should really get going. Back home to my lovely fiancée." He walked out of the pub and leaned against the lamppost outside. The pain was still raw, still there but it was tucked away, tight in a box in the deepest corner of his heart. He mentally shook himself tucking the box away and purposefully strode home.**

Mary's eyes fluttered open glancing up at John. "You alright love?" She enquired her voice filled with affection. "Is it Afghanistan again?" John forced a smile as he looked at her, always there, caring. "No, love." He croaked trying to mask his sadness. "Just go back to sleep I'm fine." He watched as her eyes fluttered closed and her breathing became heavier. Life with Mary was good. Great, even. Perfect. Why, did he feel like there was something missing?

_But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
>And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name<br>You're so in love that you act insane  
>And that's the way I loved you<br>Breakin' down and coming undone  
>It's a roller coaster kinda rush<br>And I never knew I could feel that much  
>And that's the way I loved you<br>_

He missed it. The adrenaline coursing through his body, gun in hand, eyes trained on the consulting detective in front of him. He missed Sherlock's tantrums, his laugh, his smile. He missed hearing the words "Bored" and "idiot" on a daily basis. He must have been crazy to miss arguing till he couldn't take it anymore and storming out. He missed everything. The crime scenes, the deductions, the air rife with insults. The tension when Sherlock said something "not good", the shock when he apologised. Hell, he even missed the body parts in the fridge and the eyes in the microwave. But most of all he missed him. He missed Sherlock. Life with Mary was perfect. Everything John had ever dreamed of. Life with Sherlock was difficult, frustrating, dangerous. And he had loved every second of it.

_He can't see the smile I'm faking_  
><em>And my heart's not breaking<em>  
><em>Cause I'm not feeling anything at all<em>  
><em>And you were wild and crazy<em>  
><em>Just so frustrating intoxicating<em>  
><em>Complicated, got away by some mistake and now<em>

The day Mary moved out John felt nothing. Maybe some twinge of regret, maybe some remorse for the harsh words but he just couldn't take it. He had managed to get himself involved in one of Greg's cases and when he stumbled home at three in the morning, sweaty, exhausted and covered in blood that wasn't his Mary had snapped. John had been distancing himself from her for a few weeks and she was utterly fed up. She yelled and he yelled back. All the words he hadn't said. Everything he hadn't told her came pouring out. How he missed the detective and the cases. How he loved nothing more than chasing down criminals with his best friend. How he had killed several times to protect his detective and would happily do so again. The air hung thick with tension as Mary turned on her heel and stalked into the bedroom. When she had announced a few hours later she was leaving him he wasn't surprised. Relieved even. It was typical of Sherlock to be wrecking his relationships from beyond the grave. He chuckled to himself. It was that or breakdown completely.

_I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain_  
><em>It's 2am and I'm cursing your name<em>  
><em>I'm so in love that I acted insane<em>  
><em>And that's the way I loved you<em>  
><em>Breaking down and coming undone<em>  
><em>It's a roller coaster kinda rush<em>  
><em>And I never knew I could feel that much<em>  
><em>And that's the way I loved you oh, oh<em>

Mary's last words to him still rung in his ears. She had come back for some of her possessions and they ended up arguing. Again. The insults were thick in the air but Mary's last sentence was spoken softly, with care and affection yet it still seemed to hurt John more than any of the others.  
>"Get over him, John. There's no future in loving a dead man."<p>

He shook his head and tried to ignore the truth in his ex-fiancée's words

_And that's the way I loved you oh, oh_

_Never knew I could feel that much  
>And that's the way I loved you<em>


End file.
